Terror Cheese

• San Diego, July 7. A U.S. person — either a citizen or a foreigner legally here — checked baggage containing two ice packs covered in duct tape. The ice packs had clay inside them rather than the normal blue gel.

• Milwaukee, June 4. A U.S. person's carryon baggage contained wire coil wrapped around a possible initiator, an electrical switch, batteries, three tubes and two blocks of cheese. The bulletin said block cheese has a consistency similar to some explosives.

• Houston, Nov. 8, 2006. A U.S. person's checked baggage contained a plastic bag with a 9-volt battery, wires, a block of brown clay-like minerals and pipes.

• Baltimore, Sept. 16, 2006. A couple's checked baggage contained a plastic bag with a block of processed cheese taped to another plastic bag holding a cellular phone charger.

I'd like to make fun of this somehow, but some of these seem pretty serious- and would cheese last on a long flight? I always dreamed of bringing Taco Bell food back on the plane, but thought it would go bad.

p.s. If foreigners with residence in the USA are US persons, does that make foreigners in Taiwan with residence Taiwan Persons? I think I'm turning Taiwanese, I think I'm turning Taiwanese, I think I'm turning Taiwanese, I really think so!